Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
