Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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