if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
