Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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