You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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