So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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