I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
