Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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