Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
