oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
