I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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