I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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