He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
