I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
