first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
