I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
