Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
