he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
