Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
