Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
