Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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