my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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