If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
