I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I could make wine with my vomit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize