I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
