I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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