What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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