Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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