What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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