We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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