I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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