I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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