i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
