Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
