Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
