I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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