Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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