if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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