The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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