i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
