Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
