She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
