I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
