wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
