dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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