Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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