pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
