I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
