I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
