If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
