I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
