i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
