This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
