dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
