so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
