Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
