So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
