sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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