It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
