So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
