when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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