We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
