Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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