do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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