went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize