well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
