Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
